you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
