Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
