this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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