hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
