I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
