Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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