turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
