she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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