Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
