I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
