took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Randomize
