Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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