Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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