there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
