She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
