I am midnight drunk by noon
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
