Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
