I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
