3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
