Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Randomize
