Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
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