Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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