I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
So many bounce houses so little time
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
