her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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