"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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