i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
