it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
