what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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