My liver just broke up with me...
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
