I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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