I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
