i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
