I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
