She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
