at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
