I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
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