Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
you traded sex for a burrito?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
