Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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