did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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