So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
So vagazzling was a success
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
