Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
