She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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