wat bout pragnant strippers??
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
