how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
