Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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