fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
