I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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