I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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