I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
