Pants 0. Shit 1.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Send help, water and tortillas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
