i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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