Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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