The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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