Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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