its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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