i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
