And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
