please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
