What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
