Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
