So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
