How'd it feel making her break her religion?
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
